Even if you’re super familiar with how to use sex toys while masturbating, whipping toys out with partners can feel like a whole other story. And while it’s not an exact science, you might have some questions about how to get started. Luckily for you, in a lot of ways, there’s not a huge difference between using a toy with a partner and using one on yourself. In fact, you can probably use most of the toys you masturbate with during partnered play, too.
That said, having a partner there opens up a lot of new possibilities, too—both in terms of partner-specific toys and techniques that require an extra pair of hands. Either way, sex toys can be a strong addition to any sex life if all parties are curious. Below, find everything you need to know about how to use sex toys with a partner, from choosing the right equipment to getting creative.
First, why use sex toys?
Okay, maybe you’re not convinced—and that’s okay. Sex toys definitely aren’t for everyone or every couple. But in case you’re on the fence, there are a few solid benefits to using sex toys worth mentioning. Firstly and most obviously…they’re fun. “Sex is the adult version of the playground,” sex therapist Rosara Torrisi, L.C.S.W., Ph.D., tells SELF. “It’s where we’re allowed to let go and be playful. And with that in mind, you can use anything you want on the playground, including toys.”
Beyond that, though, plenty of people—especially people with vaginas—require certain types of stimulation in order to have an orgasm. Specifically, most people with vaginas require at least some clitoral stimulation to get off, according to the Mayo Clinic. And while you certainly don’t need a vibrator to play with your clitoris, it can help, especially if you need more powerful stimulation than you or your partner can administer on your own. Plenty of people can only get off with the help of a vibrator, and that’s nothing to be ashamed about.
Even taking orgasms off the table (which is a very legit approach to sex), toys offer sensations that you simply can’t experience without them. So the question is, why not use toys?
Wait, what kind of sex toys are we talking about?
Any sex toy you want! But just to make sure we’re on the same page, let’s talk about some of the most common toys and accessories available that you might want to use as a couple.
Couple-specific toys: While any toy can be a couple’s toy when you put your mind to it, there are some toys on the market specifically for partnered play, certified sex therapist Courtney Geter, L.M.F.T., tells SELF. A lot of them are designed with P-in-V sex in mind, such as the Paloqueth Couples Vibrator ($27), which can be inserted into the vagina during penetration to provide sensation for the clitoris, G-spot, and partner’s penis all at once.